When Will the Drama End?
Ok, back story.
I’m a mom of 4. 3 by my exhusband, who hasn’t been in the picture for years, and 1 by my current….fiance. I say “fiance” cause he proposed last year but we’ve both since agreed that neither of us want to get married. Him, cause he hears sex lives die after marriage. Me, cause I don’t wanna sign mine and my children’s lives over to someone who doesn’t treat us right. Anyways, he also has a daughter from his previous relationship.
Anyways, things have been rough for awhile. He almost always has a bad attitude, no patience, complete lack of empathy, majorly hypocritical.
Last month he and his ex got into a huge fight when he went to drop off his daughter and she ended up texting me saying that since she was being treated like crap she wasn’t holding onto secrets anymore. (She never talks to me and has always refuse to meet me but she had my number incase of emergency).
She said that awhile back my “fiance” was grabbin her boobs, asking for oral and said he didn’t wanna have sex with her cause he would feel bad, but that I wasn’t putting out much.
So I left work early, super upset, and confronted him. At first he acted as though he didn’t remember. Then little by little he started to admit to things. Saying that it happened around 2 years ago (when I was pregnant with our child and having some complications).
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He said she had mentioned that it had been awhile since she had gotten any because her and her boyfriend had broken up and he responded with yeah it had been awhile for him too. She then playfully grabbed at his chest and he in turn playfully grabbed at her boobs for a bit.
He remains to this day that it was “Just playing around” and wasn’t sexual. This coming from a guy who told me I couldn’t so much as hug my guy friends, drove my guy friends away and if I talk to another guy, like a coworker, he gets super jealous like I’m not even allowed to just talk to guys at all. Unless they’re gay cause that’s “safe”. I get “I trust you. Just not the guys.”.
I told him “What if I just jokingly grabbed a guy? I guess that’d be ok and you wouldn’t get mad?” and his response was “I don’t know. It’s never happened. I guess I gotta worry about you doing that now.”. REALLY?! It was a scenario to get him to see where I was coming from and instead he flipped it around on me.
He says “Its not like I f***** her!”.
His sister and I get along really well and she said she woulda left him cause she considers it cheating, but for selfish reasons she hoped I’d stay and wouldn’t be mad if I left cause he messed up big.
I stayed but I’m not happy. His temper gets under my skin big time and the way he treats his daughter way better than my sons. Going so far as to yell “I’ll never love them like I love her!”.
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I believe the fear of being a single mom of 4 has kept me here.
I dont want to be a burden on society. I’m scared I will fail horribly and my kids will suffer for it. Plus, as he has said, “No one will ever love you again after me.
Especially not with 4 kids.”. Idk what to do. My friends tell me to leave but idk where to go or what to do. I thought I saw good in him, but he doesn’t want that, and constantly gets mad that I’m trying to grow as a person and get my life together.
Making fun of me saying “Have fun being an adult.” or “Keep growing as a person cause you’re boring as fuck now!”.
Meanwhile he’s 5 years older than me and can’t get his shit together.