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u/Academic-Cat-5284
I’m 26 years old female. When I was 18 I met now my ex let’s call him Kevin and we were in a long distance relationship for 7 years. At that time when we met I only started studying at University and we decided over time that we wait till I finish my studying so we could move in together. After I got my master’s degree he started studying and there was left one year to wait.
Meanwhile we were looking at houses to buy and the area we would like to live at. He was from English speaking country and spoke only English and moving to my country in Europe wasn’t an option for him, at least this way he expressed it. I agreed I would move over since English wouldn’t be a problem for me it’s one of 5 languages I can speak quite well.
I still was overthinking that beside him and his family I wouldn’t have anyone in that country but I really loved him and it didn’t matter that much. A year ago in the summer, I booked a trip to visit him and is family, took vacation time off work and had all the tickets and other documents like visa ready. I should mention its quite expensive (about 700 dollars in total).
So everything was going well I was checking on some beautiful places in area to visit during my stay and then he visited his friend’s barbeque party came back and during a call he announced that he has no more feeling for me and that we should break up and I will find someone who will actually love me. That he’s tired of pretending and it was the whole year that he has no more feeling for me and he wants to be happy and find a real love. Honestly I had a mental break down at that point. I really cared about him over 7 years on long distance I never cheated, there weren’t really ay big arguments or situations when we were close to break up. So this was very unexpected and really hurtful, I tried to explain that maybe we should try working on it, since it’s been 7 years but he said he tried for last year and he just isn’t happy. I still have some little pride of mine left in me so I agreed and we broke up. Honestly it was worst summer after that ever there wasn’t a night when I wouldn’t cry, or have to explain at work why I don’t need 3 weeks off any more or to all my friends and relatives why is it we broke up. When truly I didn’t realize it myself.
Its been a year now. The whole year I keep having dreams with him and it’s the worse. He blocked me on all accounts even those I never texted him or tried to call. On other hand I’m happy he did at least I don’t have to see him. But the dreams continue and any other relationship I sabotage myself and I just can’t find anyone who I would really be interested or actually felt something about them and I don’t like wasting people’s time so I usually finish them before they even start. And I would like to ask for advice how to get on. I tried a lot of travelling, many hobbies, worked with therapist, got one more job to occupy myself. I feel really betrayed and don’t know if I can ever trust anyone again.
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My Dear Lost:
I’ve been there and help many people in your position. You are doing all the right things. The one thing left is to forgive him. I believe that is what’s keeping you stuck. I know…forgive him? I must be nuts…hear me out.
Forgiving him is not for him…it’s for you. His energy still running through your veins because how betrayed you feel. If you only knew what’s in store for you in the future you would thank him for letting you go when he did, and not after you spent physical time with him, probably gotten intimate and met his family.
The reality is that you both lived a fantasy for 7 years, because you don’t really know him and he didn’t really know you.
If you work on releasing him and accept the fact that the Universe works in your favor…even when it does not seem like it does, you will have the door open for the right person to come in, your true person. Because the right person will not give up on you, but the new energy cannot approach you until you let your ex go with love.
When I went through this myself I wrote letters to my ex in a notebook and then burned it in a burning temporary “temple” in a regional burn. Look up Burning Man in YouTube if you don’t know what this is. But you can also use a firepit. Fire cleanses energy and allows for new energy to come through.
I wish you the best of luck and I believe the best is yet to come!
Yamil