Over the past few months I’ve found out so many things about my husband and it makes me disgusted with the person he is when I’m not looking.
I’ve always had suspicions about my husband and there have been times I’ve looked through his phone and I have confirmed those suspicions and we have talked about them. Most of the time he denies denies denies and makes up more lies to cover the truth but when he’s confronted with evidence, he’ll apologize and say he’s sorry and he won’t do it again but then again when I start looking I start seeing these things again and again and each time the intensity increases. The issues being gambling, porn and drug use.
Recently I started looking again and found out he was gambling massive amounts of money that he was hiding from me. I have suspected cocaine use and have seen some evidence. There is massive amounts of free porn in his browser history and and now I found out he’s also been paying for porn on onlyfans. I’m done and I can’t keep doing this over and over.
My confusing thoughts come and it’ll tell me it’s not that bad or I’m overreacting but I know in my gut I’m not. I’m disgusted, I’m scared, I’m… numb? I’ve lost all respect for him. I just know this isn’t the life I want to live. This isn’t the person I want to spend my time with. A person who intentionally lies and hides things and will continue to lie unless presented with cold hard proof and sometimes that’s not even enough for him to tell the truth. I’d rather be alone and protect my peace and energy.
I know exactly how you feel. It’s like you just can’t believe this is the same person you fell in love with and married. It’s normal to question your sanity and think that perhaps you are overreacting because chances are that everything else looks good on paper.
You may be the perfect couple in front of your friends and families; but I bet if you look at how you felt in front of others you were probably hiding dissapointments and smiling for the camera.
Always telling yourself that it will get better. That maybe what you saw was not what you thought it was and maybe he was saying the truth.
Even if your gut feeling is SCREAMING, telling you that you know the truth.
The good news is that this too shall pass. The bad news is that it’s going to take time to heal.
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