Posted by u/TooYoungForDBR on Reddit
Maybe a month ago, my wife asked me out of the blue “Do you feel our relationship is fine?” coincidentally i was gonna talk to her about some things that very same day.
She had become withdrawn and distant a few weeks prior, and talking a lot with another person, essentially having an emotional affair. I was gonna bring this up this very night.
She went on and said she didn’t think we were doing well, and that the best might be to just get a divorce. I was, shocked to say the least. She said she had no romantic feelings for this other person, she didn’t have the capacity to have any feelings because of “us”, but maybe down the line she would have, since he was nice to talk to.
We had been through something exactly the same 6 years prior. She found someone else to talk to, sent some lingeri pics to that guy. We went to therapy, even though she didn’t want to, and after 6 months we sorted it. We becamse stronger.
But this time she didn’t want to work on it and she didn’t want to go to therapy. All we decided was that we weren’t gonna do anything rash. So i existed in this sort of limbo for about a month, i went to therapy myself, i had nobody to confide in or talk to and i was just feeling so down. So sad and i didn’t think life was worth living anymore.
We talked a few more times, and every time she just told me the same things. She didn’t want therapy, why prolong the suffering, she didn’t wanna give me false hope, best would be to just divorce. During this time i was trying to make an effort, talking to her much more which is what she was wanting and lacking, trying to save us but it was so hard, and so tough. Because there was nothing given back.
And now for D-day, which was yesterday. I came home 30 minutes earlier then i said i would from work. Our son was gaming in the living room, i asked him where mom was, he said she was upstairs. I go upstairs, the door to the bedroom is locked. I ask her what she’s doing and she says she’s just changing and will be right out. You’re alone at home and locking the door while changing? Yeah right i say. I panic, i know what she’s doing. She’s sending pictures to this guy. I beat on the door, i scream to open etc and she takes forever to unlock the door.
When she comes out, she admits to what she was doing but she claims she never actually sent the pictures. I go through her phone but she had all the time in the world to get ridd of evidence. We argue, we yell, i am so hurt and so sad and so angry.
She says she sees no future with me, no life with me, the best is to just divorce.
I flip out, i remove parts of her PC, because i dont want her to talk to this guy anymore and i hide them. I tear out all her clothes from the closet because i want to see what clothes she was wearing on the pics, im looking for the sexy clothes. They have moved from where they usually are.
We get the kids to bed, we argue some more, i tell her i love her but i hate her too. I tell her that despite this, i would want to try and fix things, she doesn’t want to. I threaten to end my life.
I go to a friends house, i cry, a lot. My marriage is over, it’s dead. He comforts me best he can, we drink, and i feel a little better. I should have stayed at my friends house and just slept, but i didn’t. I was so sad, so lonely, so hurt. And i find someone to hook up with thinking it would make me feel any better, but it doesn’t. Just makes me feel disgusting.
I get home at 6 AM, and i have now accepted that my marriage is over. So i talk, very openly with my wife. Tell her that i don’t blame her, and that i am sorry for last night. I also tell her i slept with someone else that night and she then says “That makes me very sad” and i asked her… why? You ended our marriage last night? For a month all you’ve said is “we should divorce, i don’t want to work on it” and last night, you very clearly ended our marriage. And she then said she had hopes it wasn’t actually over.
I panic, i tell her i lied. I didn’t sleep with someone else. She suddenly wants to try? I am just so desperate to get us working again. We talk, we hug. Things feel… good.
But i am wrestling with this. I can’t base it on a lie, and i didn’t wear protection so i don’t wanna give her something. I have to tell her the truth, despite her now, suddenly, wanting to reconcile. So i do.
She’s angry, sad, hurt. Says that despite all that she did, she never did anything physical. She screams that “who the fuck goes out and fucks someone else mere hours after?” and she takes the kids to her parents and leaves.
I am just, so sad. I fucked it up. I really thought there was no chance to move on, no chance we could mend this. I begged her for a month to go to therapy, to try and fix it. And she didn’t want to. My friend tells me that i shouldn’t feel bad, that i was completely broken psychologically, desperate, sad, suicidal.
But i just feel so sad. Despite all that she did, i was the one that killed it in the end, with some stupid hookup. I just wanted to feel wanted, but i didn´t. And instead i killed of my only chance of happiness. I just feel so sad.
Was i wrong? In what i did? Can some people weigh in?
Related Articles: how to get a divorce in florida , cheap online divorce