From Reddit, posted by
u/Hellwolf_Keats
My (m47) ex-wife(f48) left me a year and a half ago for a guy who was married to her high school best friend. Some friend she turned out to be, right?
We had been married 20 year and had what I though were two children together. I recently found out that my 6yo daughter isn’t mine. She’s HIS! She knew this from day one of being pregnant and kept it from me and it’s my name on the birth certificate and I do intend to fight for custody as this has been my daughter and the certificate is a legally binding document. She might not be blood, but that is my daughter.
Clearly this affair has been going on for some time. Finding out was a kick in the teeth. When I asked her if it’s him or me, she said it’s him. Why? Because he can get it right back up after sex and go again. That’s the only reason. Sex.
Forget the fact that I worked two jobs to put her through school and continued to do so she could stay home and raise our kids and cheat on me. I gave up persuing my dreams and music career for her so that she could persue hers and have a family. They have been the number one thing in my life. My ex has always been a cold woman. She’s bi-polar and life wasn’t always easy. Her outbursts and physical and emotional abuse were soul crushing, but I endured it because I thought she couldn’t help it. Turns out that wasn’t entirely true. She admitted to friends that she often punched me because she felt like it or wasn’t getting her way.
My kids had witnessed on several occasions her striking and verbally abusing me and each time I took it without fighting back and hating my kids to witness this. At one point towards the end she was angry at me for not taking the trash out the moment I came home and grabbed me by the neck and started squeezing while my son stood horrified watching. I told her “Our son will always remember this.” And she let me go. I should’ve left long ago. I know this now. I’d like to think that if not for my children, I would’ve. But I didn’t want them to have a broken home and held on to the hope that some day my wife would go back to being the woman I fell in love with. I know now that those days are dead and gone and had been for years.
After everything came to light, my wife sat down with her friend who’s husband she was cheating with and told her point blank, “Yes it’s true, no I’m not sorry,” and then my wife got up and walked away. I was told this by her friend. My wife left, took the kids and moved in with HIM in an apartment behind the one we shared. Even then I held on to the hope that she would see the grass wasn’t greener with him. He had cheated on his own wife several times besides with my wife and she knows this. I waited that entire first year waiting for her to come back. She kept the apartment keys and I assumed she was still holding on to them because she knew she would come home. But at the end of that year they began their cruelty again with him constantly dropping by the bus stop as I was putting the kids on the bus for school and telling me, “I’ve come to see MY daughter off to school. Not YOUR daughter, MINE.” I told him, “Then why were you so content for the past 5 years to let me raise her, her to have my last name, let me be there at her birth, and raise her as MINE? Where were you? Why is my name on the certificate as her father instead of yours?” That almost earned me a punch to the face and it did earn me to a drunken visit by the both of them at the end of the night because he showed up to fight.
My ex then decided to make everything public. Going on Facebook and bragging about her new boyfriend. Our friends were shocked and reached out to me and his wife about it. I made sure to grab all the screenshots I could. She doesn’t seem to care about the hole she’s dug for herself with our upcoming divorce. Then again why should she? I already got her with the paternity test.
At the end. I became self destructive. I kept wondering what could I’ve done differently or better. She blamed me for not being around for her but if I wasn’t working two jobs, how could we’ve survived? I didn’t clean when I got home because I was too tired, and she’s screaming at me about trash when our kids have colored on all the walls, tore down blinds, put holes in the wall under her watch, but the not taking out the trash after working 16 hours was the problem.
The worst part was that I wanted my family back so badly, I was believing it was my fault.
It took a while to see the truth of it all. All that changed with my brother. He was determined to get me to play in his band and even though I declined, he insisted that I meet the other members and decide then. That changed everything for me. I still declined. But I struck up a friendship with them and ended up casually dating a friend that the rhythm guitarist introduced me to. I quickly fell in love with this woman (45) and it was a relief to be in a loving relationship with someone that wasn’t a 24/7 screaming match that usually ended with me getting hit.
Now throughout this time. As I’ve stated, my ex still had the keys to our apartment. She would occasionally let herself in and drop off stuff for the kids. The first time she let herself in and my new girlfriend was there did not go well. She called me that night asking me who she was and why was she in “our” apartment. I enjoyed telling my ex that my gf was none of her business. She moved on and left me and was living with someone else. The last few months my ex has become erratic over my new gf and has even begun to stalk her. My ex had sent my gf a Facebook friend request and demanded my gf to accept it. When my gf refused, my ex called me screaming that I need to tell her to accept it because she needs to see the kind of person my gf is that I’m having our kids around. My gf grabbed the phone from me and told her that she does not need to add her as a friend. Anything involving communication about the kids can be done through messenger or through phone calls. That my ex does not and will not have access to our private life, friends, and family because she is not part of my girlfriend’s personal life. This didn’t set well with my ex. My girlfriend showed me the sudden burst of friend request she got from people that had my ex as a friend.
My ex then started letting herself in to my place every weekend and when I wasn’t home at work to snoop around. I was on the phone with my girlfriend who was staying with me while I was at work to hear my ex walk in and my gf ask her if there was something she needed. My ex claimed she wanted to see how much milk I had in my fridge for when the kids came over. My gf told her we had it handled and my ex left. When I got home I demanded the apartment key since she’s not living there. She then took my son’s keys and made copies for herself.
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When my lease was up, my girlfriend asked me to move in with her so that we could distance ourselves from my ex. My ex did everything she could to hinder this. Calling the police and telling them I was leaving with her belongings and when asked what was hers, she couldn’t name anything in my place that was left that was hers.
Now we get the kids every other weekend and I was told by my children that they are not allowed to talk about what they did with me because she doesn’t want to hear it. That didn’t last long. Now she pumps my kids for all the information she can get. I’m sure it’s jealousy. We live on the beach. My gf is very well off and when we get the kids we take a short walk to the boardwalk to ride rides , let them play on the beach, or visit the aquarium. If they return home with prizes my ex throws them away.
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Now the issue with my ex was the last few times she dropped off my kids, I noticed she now dresses and looks very similar to my gf. She dyed her hair and cut it to match her. What ever we do with the kids, my ex runs out the following week and tries to do the same thing with them. If we got to the beach, she takes them to the beach. If we go to the zoo, she takes them to the zoo. If she finds out what we had with them for dinner she has to make the same thing and demands our kids to tell her who’s they liked more.
Last week my son asked to live with us because he said my ex was crazy. You better believe I’m using all this in court! Just when I didn’t think things could get any crazier with her, the other night she starts texting me nudes! What the hell? My gf was sitting next to me when they started coming in and I immediately got defensive and told my gf I didn’t ask for them and that my ex and I aren’t talking like that. I offered her my phone to go through to see for myself. My gf looked at the pictures and asked for my ex’s number so she could text my ex her own nudes back so that she “could show her how it’s done.” I called my ex and asked her what the hell she was doing. I told her that my gf was sitting next to me and saw the messages and is pissed. My ex tried saying she meant to send them to someone else. My gf said to her that my name was on one end of the alphabet while her boyfriend was on the other. Then she asked her who’s the new guy since it was meant for “someone else.” My ex hung up. I really don’t know what game my ex is playing. This is all just crazy to me.