Marriage is Over but she does not know it

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Marriage is Over but she does not know it

For the last 1.5 years, I’ve been done with her. Our marriage has been nothing but rough patches, and as a young man from a rough family, I didn’t realize that this wasn’t normal. 

Her and I married at 20 and 19 respectively, and ever since we’ve thought about marriage together, it’s been a bad idea. We aren’t right for each other, but my desire at the time for any tiny bit of attention and love from a woman didn’t allow me to see that.
At that time, I had been beaten downs and broken by my mother. She is a horrible woman who I’ve recently come to know that she will not be receiving any more attention from me. This is now a reality.

The reasons why I’ll leave to a later post, but just know that they are enough to warrant “no contact”. No contacting me, my STBXW, or our son. 

Anyway, to give you a perspective on the woman I married, I’ll tell you this. Our first night as husband and wife, I told her that I can’t sleep all that well with a fan on (white noise at night bothers me). She started crying and getting upset with me, yelling about how I don’t care about her and how she feels.
I understand that it was an emotional am day for her, so I tried to ease the situation and help her slow things down. ‘take a breath; where is this coming from?’ that sort of thing.
Mid conversation, I sat down and took my pants off to get into bed and continue talking, to which she yelled “See! You don’t fucking care at all!” I was beamed in the back of the head with the wedding ring I had placed on her finger not 6 hours prior. 

Now, if I had known then what I do now, I would have had the marriage annulled the next day. Instead, I was busy making her breakfast to apologize to her for what had happened the night before.
Only now realizing what a fucking weak bitch I was to have gotten up out of bed, and made the woman who had hollared at me for an hour the night before and biffed her wedding ring at my head, over not wanting a fan on at night, breakfast.

This is my biggest reason for leaving my wife, as it has set the precedent for the last 6 years of our marriage. I cannot do this shit for the rest of my life. It is soul crushing.

I would be ashamed to give my son advice in the future about women, when I am married to one who treats me like this.
It would hold no weight in his mind, and he could go down a terrible path without better role models. That, is my responsibility to him.

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