I miss Us But I Don’t Miss You
To my wife,
I miss us but I dont miss you. You wanted a divorce three months ago, left the house 1 month ago.
As time goes by I’ll see that it was the right decision but I miss us.
I dont miss your BPD tendencies that drove a wedge between us. I’m proud of you for all the work you did to not be like your mom who has BPD but she instilled many tendencies on you that made it hard to communicate my love with you: the fear of abandonment, extreme jealousy, seeing things only as black or white, and your impulses.
I see now that I became codependent as our relationship went on.
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My low self-esteem, controlling behavior, being too afraid to speak up, and erasing my needs to take care of you, the house, and the kids to make things easier for you.
I should have set better boundaries and I apologize I couldnt be a better husband in this aspect.
I will always love who you were before the present and i wish i could’ve been more consistently emotionally present for you but in the end i did the best i could with the tools I had and I feel the ending would’ve been the same no matter who I was because I see I will never be good enough for you but I can be good enough for myself.